Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
