She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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