i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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