Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
