Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
