The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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