If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
