dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
