Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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