I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just took my morning after pill in the library
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
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