I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
