Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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