so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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