I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
