How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My nipple is on Facebook.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize