Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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