I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
