I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
porn star boner night. come get it.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize