never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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