So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
