last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
