I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
