I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
