hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
