remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She told me I should be a condom model.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
