Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
