In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
