Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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