What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
