Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
