I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
