This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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