Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
