we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
