i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
