You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize