okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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