He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
