There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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