my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
