Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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