I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Oh god it's open bar.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
