Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
