You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The uberlube is also flammable
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
