I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize