Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
