I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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