We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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