no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We left the knife in your bed.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
