i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
