yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
