i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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