I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
