The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
