My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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