Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
