Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
