went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
There r osticjed everywhere
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
