Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
one might say we're banned from that church
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
