There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
did i walk over a car last night?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize