Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
