In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
