She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
