I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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