im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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