zippers are such a cool invention
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
