I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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