Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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