just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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