Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
