mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
