She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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